


HOW DO I LIVE WITHOUT YOU?

by fhsa_archivist



Category: Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-07
Updated: 2007-04-07
Packaged: 2019-02-05 16:54:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12798531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhsa_archivist/pseuds/fhsa_archivist
Summary: Ennis tries to come to grips with losing Jack.





	HOW DO I LIVE WITHOUT YOU?

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Title: HOW DO I LIVE WITHOUT YOU?

Author: dmcintoshtx

Fandom: Brokeback Mountian

Rating: R

Genre: slash

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx; not me!

Summary: Ennis tries to come to grips with losing Jack.

Inspiration: Lee Ann Rimes song of the same name.

 

HOW DO I LIFE WITHOUT YOU?

 

What am I supposed to no now, Bud? How am I gonna get through this

one? I done everythin I was supposed to. I stayed away. Kept you

away most the time. Didn't never once do anythin so's no one would

suspect. Couldn't stand the thought of puttin you in danger and it

didn't do no good. They still got you.

 

It's bad my friend. Bad'er than you could imagine. Wish I coulda

been there for you. I woulda fought beside you till my last breath.

I hope you know that.

 

I keep thinkin on some of the stuff you said. Shit, Jack. I can

close my eyes and hear your voice. Sounds so real. Tellin me it

could be like this always. I was so scared and you knew it. You

knew all slong, didn't you? You knew I wanted to be in that tent

with you but I was just too scared. I ain't never had

those....feelin's before and I know I'll never will again. Don't

want 'em. Not with nobody else.

 

It's so cold and lonely here now. I ache all over thinkin 'bout

you. Wonderin how it would have been if I'd just gone off with you

the first time you asked. Shoulda done it.

 

If doin right hurts this much, I ain't gonna never do no more right

again! Can't think straight no more. Whiskey's gettin to me. It'll

take me one day and I'll be goin willingly. Won't be fightin that

fight. I miss you so much even tho we never did get to spend all

that much time together, what time we did have was pure heaven.

Never knew it could be like that. I often think on that little cow

and calf place you always talked 'bout. It surely would have been

nice, Bud. I'm sorrier than I can say that I been such a coward.

I never feared nothin like that before. Guess I didn't handle it too

good, did I? I just never faced nothin that put my whole world in

danger before. You, me, my girls. I was terrified for all a us.

Couldn't bear the thought a my wantin you puttin us all in mortal

danger.

 

I went to see your folks and found them shirts. Made me shake all

inside knowin you kept them all those years. Don't know why you did

that. Don't know why I do it either but I got 'em, Bud. Right

here in my closet now and I look at 'em every day and think when we

was wearin them and swingin on each other that day. Those were

strange times for me cause I couldn't think things out; couldn't make

no sense of what was happenin. You knew that too, didn't ya. You

didn't push me none. Just kept on tellin me it was OK and it wasn't

nobody's business but ours. You were right. I shoulda listened to

you.

 

So here I am alone. Cryin in my drink and wishin I coulda been

there along side you so they'd taken us both cause they killed me

just the same when they took your last breath.

 

So what do I do now? I don't know what I'm supposed to do. How do I

do it, Jack Twist? How do I live without you?

 

The End


End file.
